The Legend of The Buggy
by
Jerry Rohlinger
It was on a clear evening of June 9, 1999 that the Board of Directors
of the Portage County Historical Society gathered with spouses and a few
offspring for their annual repast at the Heritage Park. A turkey grilled
by Mr. Rohlinger, supplied by Mr. Anday, provided the main course. The
gathered throng quickly consumed the golden brown bird and the excellent
side dishes and desserts brought by the others. Only one thing remained
to be accomplished that evening, the monthly meeting. Or so we thought!
Then out of the recesses of President Tim Siebert's fertile mind came
the dreaded remembrance! An artifact of significant size required repositioning
at the Park. Our gracious Lord, Tim, had again, conjured up a new project,
to be carried out forthwith, without discussion or debate. His Lordship
declaring so all his obsequious followers near at hand could hear. "The
Buggy currently stored in the Bancroft Depot's freight room, had to be
moved to the Museum". His Lordship further declared, "that this object
would fit through the double doors of the museum without any effort."
Three unsuspecting individuals, misfortunate enough to be standing near
His Lordship, were drafted for this task. Milo Harpsted, Jerry Rohlinger,
and John Zinda, spouse of Most Honorable Scribe Karen, stepped forward
to do battle with the monstrous black thing!
After 15 minutes of sweating, grunting, maneuvering, and silently cursing,
The Buggy issued forth. The Bancroft Depot's freight room
had surrendered its captive of nearly a year! His Lordship and three minions
playfully wheeled The Buggy toward the museum anticipating
an effortless conclusion to their task.
Arriving at the entrance to the hallowed museum, His Lordship and his
three minions lifted The Buggy, carried it up the steps toward
the gaping maw, and it didn't fit! Having been involved with the creation
of a previous legend, The Safe, I immediately began recalling
the unmentionable, hurtful things we had hoped would inflict his Lordship
would re-inflict him. After much glowering at His Lordship for yet another
miscalculation, we retreated down the steps carrying The Buggy to
survey the problem. After several minutes of consternation, a voice of
reason was heard. Young Amy, offspring of aforementioned cook, said, "Turn
it on its side." All agreed this was the only reasonable method of inserting
The Buggy into the museum.
The Buggy not weighing more then His Lordship (previously determined
in anticipation of a possible lynching) we were able to flip it on its
side. Then Milo voiced a concern "don't pick it up by its wheels"!
This sobering pronouncement led to a more conservative approach to just
thrusting The Buggy into the gaping maw.
This vehicle with four-foot high wheels, was not designed for easy grasping
while on its side. After several minutes of fumbling around we elevated
the monster up the stairs, through the door, and set it on its side inside
the museum. Another unforeseen obstacle reared its ugly head! His Lordship
had "misjudged" the space allotted to right the buggy! Again, evil hurtful
thoughts raced through our minds! A mighty effort righted the buggy although
a highly noticeable scrape was left on the museum's pristine floor as a
reminder of our efforts. The four of us stood sweating thankful of our
task's successful completion. When through the gaping maw strode none other
then, Anton!
Having been a victim of the Safe, he had been amused
by our pathetic efforts. But then! Observing the hideous gash on the floor,
his nostrils began to flare! Lightning bolts flashed from his eyes! His
Lordship immediately assumed a non-confrontational posture. Almost whimpering.
The new arrival stated that HE would remove the GASH!
And our presence was no longer desired!
Thus, ended another Legend in the ever growing collection of Siebert's
Follies.
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